Assalamu’alaikum Everyone and Ramadan Mubarak!
One of my favorite things to do in Ramadan is reflect and though I would love to publish my reflections daily here, I will not make any promises I know I cannot keep. So, I will just publish what I can when I can, Insha’Allah.
I don’t know what it is about the first day of Ramadan, but the peacefulness that comes at Maghrib time is truly remarkable. The stress of motherhood, keeping up with my household responsibilities, and the constant travel between visiting family and friends has been taking a toll on me. Honestly, I was a bit nervous about Ramadan but Alhamdulillah I feel lighter and more content than I have been for a long time.
Last Ramadan, I was in my final trimester and it was extremely difficult for me to fast. I felt a big disconnect…as if everyone was invited to a special event and I was just an observer watching from the outside. I thought this Ramadan would be similar since I am still nursing and going to the masjid during my baby’s bedtime hours are out of the question. But so far, I think this will be my best Ramadan yet, Insha’Allah.
Nursing and Fasting
I decided that I would fast while nursing. All of the sources I turned to for knowledgeable advice said that fasting is not obligatory on a nursing mom if she fears for her own health or that of her child’s. The benefits of nursing your child are better for you than risking the loss or reduction of milk production (thus harming your child) and/or making yourself weak.
That being said, I felt that without even making an effort to fast, I would never know whether my supply or my health would actually be affected. I loaded up on food and drinks that helped increase production, and I just sincerely made du’a to Allah (swt) to give me the strength to fast and the sustenance to feed my baby. Alhamdulillah, with the mercy and help of Allah (swt), it seems to be working. It just proved to me that if you place your trust in Allah (swt), make the effort, and do it for the right intentions you will be able to achieve what you thought wasn’t a possibility. Nonetheless, if I feel it is getting in the way of my production and/or my health, I will take a break…but at least I know I can do it and I can say that I tried.
Finding Time to Pray
The best part of my day is between maghrib and the time I go to bed. We break our fast, pray, quickly clear up the kitchen, and my husband leaves for the masjid. I promptly put my daughter to sleep and read my juz’ for the day simultaneously. Every other day I have been doing a beginners 40 minute yoga workout which gives me the energy to pray ‘Isha and taraweeh. My mood at this time is the best it’s been in months. I eat a quick snack, drink my mother’s milk tea, and finish up the kitchen chores. After my bedtime routine is finished, I lay down at the end of the day making niyyah to wake up for tahajjud (though it hasn’t happened yet…baby steps) and drift off to sleep.
I thought I would miss the iman rush you get going to the masjid for taraweeh, listening to the beautiful recitation of the imam, being brought to tears by the du’a in witr, etc. I actually feel closer to Allah (swt) more now than ever before. My ibadah is not just my prayers, fasts, and my Qur’an recitation. From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head on my pillow, I am in a constant state of worship. The majority of my day and my energy goes towards fulfilling my responsibilities as a mother and a wife. For the first time since becoming a mom, I am actually embracing the iman boost my daily activities can give me if I look at them with this new perspective.
My Baby, My Iman Boost
On top of that, watching my daughter change and grow every single day is the biggest blessing and iman boost of all. My gratitude towards Allah (swt) is far more sincere and deeper since she’s come into my life. I look at her and I just cannot help but feel a wave of thankfulness, amazement, and humility wash over me. My love for my husband deepens when I watch them laughing and playing together. It motivates me to be a better wife and the best mom. This precious child has brought happiness and light into the lives of both our parents and siblings. May she always be a coolness for our eyes and may Allah swt grant her Janatul Firdaws. Ameen.
Comment below and let me know how you’re Ramadan is going!
Love you all for the sake of Allah (swt),